Phlamboyant Phudge

One morning, a gentleman entered the pharmacy talking on a mobile, smartly dressed, then asked me for some cold & flu tablets with a ‘queer’ accent while finalising his phone conversation. He decided he also needed a few quick-eze chewys – and there was nothing wrong with that.

After completing the first purchase, he then asked in his flamboyant manner, “I know this might sound a bit awkward, but I’m looking for these things that you squirt in you,” while gesturing to his posterior, “and they flush you out.”

“Yeah,” I replied cautiously, “enemas.”

“Yeah. Those things, ” he said brazenly, as if he didn’t know.

I led him to the ‘Bums & Tums’ area of the pharmacy (where all the products for conditions such as constipation, diarrhoea, indigestion, etc, are kept) and showed him the microlax enemas.

Microlax enemas are small 15mL solutions for single use to be inserted into the rectum and the lubricating liquid squeezed inside the anus to soften faeces and gently stimulate peristaltic movement of the smooth bowel muscles in the colon resulting in evacuation within 15 minutes after application. Adults, children and infants can use them for the treatment of constipation. They are not used for a bowel cleansing or detoxification.

“Oh, don’t they come in bottles?” He asked as if he needed to use a lot for an unmentioned reason – a disturbing image suddenly popped into my head and I remained silent. “GROSS!” He finished saying - and my thoughts came to the same conclusion.