Pharmacist Inphatuation

A woman with scruffy hair and raggedy clothes comes in one morning to the pharmacy and says to me, "Where's Andy?"

I reply to her, "Andy's not here today."

Abruptly, she says, "Why is he not here?"

"He's not rostered on," I answered calmly.

"Can you get him?"

"No."

Then things got a little weird when she announced, "I love him! You're probably jealous because I love him."

"I don't like men in that way," I stated firmly. A smile nearly breached my expression, as I thought to myself, "This lady is crazy!"

"Andy's fucking that Asian bitch anyway!" A true statement as Andy and another of the pharmacists were dating - and she was Asian... and a little bitchy too.

"What about you, are you married? I might come after you!"

Slightly panicked by this woman's obvious mental issues, lied to her question, "Uh... almost married."

Disappointed and frustrated, she then said, "Don't worry about it then."

There was a brief pause before anyone said anything else.

"You know, I'm loaded! I have a mansion. Two mansions!! I'll come back to see Andy." She added.

"OK, no problems. We'll be seeing you then," I said hoping she would leave.

"Is there anyone else?" Now she sounded way too desperate and way too crazy!

"No," I replied while staring directly at a male pharmacy assistant, who also appeared dumbfounded, "Andy and I are the only two male pharmacists."

Thankfully, I never saw her again.

Phigmental Phriends

Late one evening a gentleman came into the pharmacy alone while talking on his phone and approached the fridge to choose a drink to purchase.

Well, I thought he was talking on the phone, his monologue suggested as much. I checked for a hands free kit or mobile phone of any kind. No. Nothing. Puzzled, I listened a little more closely to what he was saying.

"You've gotta make it fair," he said, "Even it up. No. that's not good enough! What am I gonna do?"

"OK..." I thought to myself, "So that pretty much confirms he's a little bit crazy. Great. So just don't piss him off and he wont get more crazy!"

While thinking this to myself I noticed a police officer at our front door. The officer was just standing in the doorway watching the crazy guy. Well that gave me some relief.

The crazy guy continued, "Even it up! That's better." He then selected a drink, "They're probably gonna tell me I can't get it."

He approached the counter still muttering, but I couldn't make any of the words out. The assistant put the sale through for the crazy guy's drink and he left the shop. The police officer came in to reassure us and told us he had been following the crazy guy up the street as he seemed a bit odd - just making sure he didn't cause a scene.

Thank you Mr Police Officer man!

In my short experience with this 'crazy guy' I could only assume he had dissociative identity disorder (also known as multiple personality disorder, or split personality disorder), schizophrenia (of which hearing voices is common), or was under the influence of an insane combination of drugs!

Don't do drugs kiddies!

Hey! Is that the first time one of my stories has had a community service message?